{"id":3190,"date":"2012-06-14T17:56:31","date_gmt":"2012-06-14T21:56:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/?p=3190"},"modified":"2012-06-14T17:56:31","modified_gmt":"2012-06-14T21:56:31","slug":"skin-struggles-go-get-tested","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/","title":{"rendered":"Skin Struggles: Go Get Tested"},"content":{"rendered":"

My name is Nono Osuji and in<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0Skin Struggles\u00c2\u00a0<\/a>I recount my personal experience and struggle with Lupus. Welcome to the 6th post\u00c2\u00a0of my ongoing journey.\u00c2\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After my self-diagnosis of HIV\/AIDS I found a lot of material online that supported my case.\u00c2\u00a0 As far as I was concerned it was an open and shut case.\u00c2\u00a0 Like anything once you focus on it everything else around you seems to be in reference\u00c2\u00a0of whatever you are focusing on and this was no exception.\u00c2\u00a0 I saw posters around the city about getting tested for HIV, there was a\u00c2\u00a0repeat of the Oprah show about women living with men on the\u00c2\u00a0down low and how some of them\u00c2\u00a0had contracted HIV from their partners.\u00c2\u00a0 I felt like all of these references were a confirmation of my\u00c2\u00a0undiagnosed diagnosis.\u00c2\u00a0 Worst of all I didn’t know how I would tell my mother, she had lost her brother to AIDS the year before and now\u00c2\u00a0she would have to deal with one of her children having this disease too.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0I agonized over my pending illness.\u00c2\u00a0 Since the biopsy came back negative for Lupus what else could this be?<\/p>\n

Logically, it all made sense to me then, because of my relationship with Z, who had been in jail and according to my logic every man in jail has AIDS, or is at least at high risk to get the disease because of their sexual activity with each other during their imprisonment.\u00c2\u00a0 I had read about something like this in Essence magazine, and black women are the largest group of newly diagnosed AIDS cases (that was a cover article in Ebony), and now I thought to myself, I am a statistic.\u00c2\u00a0 I was absolutely miserable.\u00c2\u00a0 I had to share my new findings with my friend\u00c2\u00a0Nelia.\u00c2\u00a0 She considered herself\u00c2\u00a0queer and I figured she would know\u00c2\u00a0more about my pending status.\u00c2\u00a0 Looking back now that\u00c2\u00a0was the\u00c2\u00a0dumbest reasoning, but\u00c2\u00a0in my mind at the time it all made sense.\u00c2\u00a0 I called her and made some small talk for a bit about\u00c2\u00a0our first year of graduate school.\u00c2\u00a0 We complained a bit about some of our fellow classmates’ delusions of grandeur about themselves and the quality of the\u00c2\u00a0videos they produced, and overall our disappoint with the program and our impending debt.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0We then moved on to the subject of my health, she asked me\u00c2\u00a0how I was feeling.\u00c2\u00a0 She had seen\u00c2\u00a0 my rashes when they first started to appear on my eyelids and since then she had stayed abreast of my doctor visits and experiences.\u00c2\u00a0 I told her about the abnormal blood tests and then I just blurted out, “I have the Hiv.”\u00c2\u00a0 She gave a nervous laugh and asked me what I was talking about, “the Hiv”, I replied, “HIV\/AIDS.”\u00c2\u00a0 “Shut up, you are so dramatic no you don’t, why would you think that?”, she asked.\u00c2\u00a0 I explained to her my reasoning and revealed what I had recently learned about Z’s jail time, “Oh”, she responded.\u00c2\u00a0 I could hear it in her voice\u00c2\u00a0that she agreed with me.\u00c2\u00a0 “Well you need to get tested.”, she said.\u00c2\u00a0 Get tested?\u00c2\u00a0 I didn’t want to get tested that would only confirm what I had already determined by\u00c2\u00a0myself without any medical or scientific proof.\u00c2\u00a0 I certainly was not going to get tested I was content with just “knowing” that I had it and feeling and being completely miserable because of it.<\/p>\n

After I got off the phone with her I laid down and stared at the ceiling, I was barely paying any attention to the television that was playing a re-run\u00c2\u00a0of the Golden Girls.\u00c2\u00a0 For the next two weeks I did the same thing all day, laid in bed and let my mind run wild.\u00c2\u00a0 I had stopped eating for the most part, I would get up periodically to eat a mini\u00c2\u00a0waffle or something, \u00c2\u00a0but mostly\u00c2\u00a0I would go 2-3 days without eating anything at all.\u00c2\u00a0 I stayed on the internet looking up everything I could find about HIV and AIDS.\u00c2\u00a0 I only told a few people, and I did not tell my family at all, who I already thought were getting suspicious of what was really going on with me.<\/p>\n

I called one of my friends from highschool, Nina, we hadn’t talked in a while and I needed some sympathy and I kind of wanted to make her feel bad that we had not talked in so long.\u00c2\u00a0 I gave her the run down of my current health situation and told her\u00c2\u00a0 that I had come to the conclusion because of my symptoms, rashes, and my relationship with a former inmate,\u00c2\u00a0that I had AIDS.\u00c2\u00a0 Her response was a hearty laugh.\u00c2\u00a0 I couldn’t believe her, she hadn’t talked to me\u00c2\u00a0in months, one of her so-called\u00c2\u00a0best friends, and now she was laughing at my situation, “why\u00c2\u00a0am I\u00c2\u00a0friends with this heffa?”, was the thought that came to my mind.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0After her\u00c2\u00a0guffaw she calmed down enough to realize that I was dead serious and freaking out.\u00c2\u00a0 She tried to re-assure me that\u00c2\u00a0I did not have AIDS or HIV,\u00c2\u00a0“and besides”, she added “even if you do have HIV you don’t contract it and then look like Tom Hanks from Philadelphia the next day, you are fine go get tested.”\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“Do you know how many times I thought I had contracted HIV because I\u00c2\u00a0slept with some guy and it turned out to be nothing?”, she continued.\u00c2\u00a0 “Getting tested is the most nerve-wracking thing, but it is necessary so go.”, she\u00c2\u00a0said.\u00c2\u00a0 Looking back on it now,\u00c2\u00a0her advice was wise and\u00c2\u00a0exactly what I needed to hear at the time, but at that moment I just wanted to get off the phone with her and wallow in self-pity and shame.<\/p>\n

I wallowed for a few more days, when my friend\u00c2\u00a0Nelia\u00c2\u00a0called me and told me that\u00c2\u00a0I had to go get tested and that she would go with me if I liked.\u00c2\u00a0 She said that our school gives free\u00c2\u00a0same day results tests and that I should do that\u00c2\u00a0to find out once and for\u00c2\u00a0all.\u00c2\u00a0 So I prayed and called on the strength of the God, Jesus, angels, saints, and\u00c2\u00a0everyone else\u00c2\u00a0in heaven to help me do this,\u00c2\u00a0as I\u00c2\u00a0placed the call to make my appointment.\u00c2\u00a0 My heartbeat started to race and the palms of my hands were\u00c2\u00a0almost dripping.\u00c2\u00a0 A lady answered the phone and asked me how she could help me.\u00c2\u00a0 “You could help me by telling me I don’t have AIDS and you have a Spidey\u00c2\u00a0sense that\u00c2\u00a0can tell these things and that you are never wrong”, I thought.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead I replied, “Yes,\u00c2\u00a0I would like to get one of those\u00c2\u00a020 minute mouth swab AIDS tests.” I whispered.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t know why I thought I should keep my voice low,\u00c2\u00a0 I guess I didn’t want the neighbors to hear and I really didn’t want\u00c2\u00a0her to hear me either.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“Our clinics are closed for the week due to some re-modeling of our facilities, but I can send you to our sister clinic they could help you”, she replied.\u00c2\u00a0 “Ok this was really\u00c2\u00a0happening”, I thought.\u00c2\u00a0 I had to do it soon before I lost my nerve.\u00c2\u00a0 I called their sister clinic and set up an appointment.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Then I called my friend Houda\u00c2\u00a0and Nelia and asked them\u00c2\u00a0to come with me.\u00c2\u00a0 I had called Nina to come with me too, but she couldn’t make it.\u00c2\u00a0 She asked me to call her as soon as I left the clinic to update her.\u00c2\u00a0 I thought\u00c2\u00a0I would need as many people as possible to physically carry me into the clinic.\u00c2\u00a0 The appointment was in\u00c2\u00a0three days,\u00c2\u00a0and I could barely sleep, at that point I was barely functioning as a normal human being.\u00c2\u00a0 I practiced how I would react when I got my results\u00c2\u00a0if they were positive or negative, I based the results of my tests on totally asinine things.\u00c2\u00a0 Things like, if this show comes back in\u00c2\u00a03 commercials, I don’t have AIDS or if this person responds to my text in the next three minutes I don’t have AIDS.\u00c2\u00a0 Yes, I know that is nutty and crazy.\u00c2\u00a0 I went back and forth as to whether\u00c2\u00a0or not I should even go.\u00c2\u00a0 “This is ridiculous”, I thought, “I don’t have AIDS”\u00c2\u00a0, cancel the appointment, the voice in my head would scream.\u00c2\u00a0 My agony\u00c2\u00a0only intensified the morning of my appointment.\u00c2\u00a0 I was awake for most of the night before until I took some Benadryl to help me sleep.\u00c2\u00a0 I woke up feeling groggy and anxious, my stomach was doing cartwheels and backflips.\u00c2\u00a0 Today\u00c2\u00a0was D-day, it was going to be the beginning or the end\u00c2\u00a0of something I just didn’t know what yet.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In case you missed the latest:<\/p>\n

I Have AIDS<\/a><\/p>\n

The Stranger in My Bed<\/a><\/p>\n

Infected Blood and Crazed Thoughts<\/a><\/p>\n

I Have What??<\/a><\/p>\n

Getting to Know Me \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 In the Beginning There Was No Lupus<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My name is Nono Osuji and in\u00c2\u00a0Skin Struggles\u00c2\u00a0I recount my personal experience and struggle with Lupus. Welcome to the 6th post\u00c2\u00a0of my ongoing journey.\u00c2\u00a0   After my self-diagnosis of HIV\/AIDS I found a lot of material online that supported my case.\u00c2\u00a0 As far as I was concerned it was an open and shut case.\u00c2\u00a0 Like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3231,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,59],"tags":[16],"class_list":["post-3190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beauty","category-featured","tag-beauty"],"yoast_head":"\nSkin Struggles: Go Get Tested - Conscious & Chic<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Skin Struggles: Go Get Tested - Conscious & Chic\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My name is Nono Osuji and in\u00c2\u00a0Skin Struggles\u00c2\u00a0I recount my personal experience and struggle with Lupus. 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Welcome to the 6th post\u00c2\u00a0of my ongoing journey.\u00c2\u00a0   After my self-diagnosis of HIV\/AIDS I found a lot of material online that supported my case.\u00c2\u00a0 As far as I was concerned it was an open and shut case.\u00c2\u00a0 Like […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/","og_site_name":"Conscious & Chic","article_published_time":"2012-06-14T21:56:31+00:00","author":"Kathleen","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Kathleen","Est. reading time":"8 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/"},"author":{"name":"Kathleen","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/#\/schema\/person\/fc09053bb2d11e47acf301ef8e7a35fd"},"headline":"Skin Struggles: Go Get Tested","datePublished":"2012-06-14T21:56:31+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/"},"wordCount":1511,"commentCount":1,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"","keywords":["Beauty"],"articleSection":["Beauty","Featured"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/","url":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/","name":"Skin Struggles: Go Get Tested - Conscious & Chic","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"","datePublished":"2012-06-14T21:56:31+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/#\/schema\/person\/fc09053bb2d11e47acf301ef8e7a35fd"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#primaryimage","url":"","contentUrl":""},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/skin-struggles-go-get-tested\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Skin Struggles: Go Get Tested"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/","name":"Conscious & Chic","description":"The Fashion With a Conscience Blog","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/#\/schema\/person\/fc09053bb2d11e47acf301ef8e7a35fd","name":"Kathleen","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/67ca4fd6d0130e4acfce975cd9fd56d29f15648c74e72c59a022b41a6a528188?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/67ca4fd6d0130e4acfce975cd9fd56d29f15648c74e72c59a022b41a6a528188?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Kathleen"},"description":"Hi there, I am a marketing strategist as well as the Editor-In-Chic and founder of Conscious & Chic a hub where style aficionados can munch on all things ethical in fashion, beauty, food and travel. I grew up in Montreal and am a true city girl who enjoys going to the movies, vintage shopping and brunching! From working in the fashion industry in New York for many years, I was inspired to create a platform where members of the Conscious & Chic community could not only find the tools they needed to journey towards a sustainable lifestyle but also shine by sharing their own content. Check out the #ConsciousNChic hashtag on Instagram! You can connect with me on social media @ConsciousNChic and @KathleenElie. I'd love it!","url":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/author\/kathleen-elie\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3190"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3190\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fashionwithaconscience.org\/consciousandchic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}